Your Wellbeing after a Miscarriage
Dealing with Feelings of Guilt
Miscarriage is something that happened to you, not something you did. There's very little about pregnancy loss that women are in control of. Biology takes over and, in a way, you're along for the ride. Try to step back from the situation and allow yourself to feel the emotions, while treating yourself with the same kindness as you would treat those you love.
Helping Your Partner Cope
You partner may react to the loss in a surprising way, and you may not like it. Don't expect your partner to deal with a miscarriage the same way as you. There isn't one way to deal with grief, and punishing him for his won't do any good. If it irks you that your man doesn't cry and act depressed, remind yourself that it doesn't mean he's uncaring. He's probably just dealing with things in a different way.
How Long to Wait Before Trying Again
Another common point of contention: When to try to conceive again. If he suggests doing that way before you're ready, it's probably not that he's being insensitive; he may be working through his grief by focusing on the future. You don't want to be judged with how you're dealing with it, so it's wise to use the same consideration for him. You need each other right now, so stay on the same team.
The time between a miscarriage and trying to conceive again depends on physical (under your Obs/Gynae care) and emotional factors. Psychologically, there's no set number of months to guide you. If you feel so vulnerable that you may fall apart if it happens again, it's probably a good idea to get some more support and wait even longer. Support can come in many ways: through your social circle, seeking professional help, or an organized support group for women who have lost their pregnancies. You'll know you're ready to try again when you can go into it with a good, solid mind set. When you know that no matter what, you are going to survive and it's going to be okay.
It's tough to move on emotionally without some sort of event or act that says "now the mourning phase is over." That takes closure. There isn't a wrong or right way to get closure. The most important thing to remember is how you get closure could be completely different from anyone else, and not to compare. Perhaps you want to have a small ceremony to say goodbye, write a farewell letter, or maybe you don't feel the need to do anything at all. Give yourself permission to do anything and everything in between, depending on what feels right for you.
How Long Will I Feel This Way?
The amount of time you were pregnant is irrelevant when it comes to the grief a woman can feel when this happens. Never feel bad about being deeply sad, even if you'd only known you were pregnant for a day, and on the flip side, don't feel bad if you see things very logically and biologically and aren't that deeply affected by the loss. There's no ‘one size fits all. You'll work through this at your own pace, in your own way, and that's completely okay.